I was reading a little story from a kid's devotional book to the kids tonight and the little girl was praying and thanking god for her freedom, and praying for those who live in fear. after reading it, i was thinking, that may have been a little too deep, but thinking that it maybe it would have gone over julia's head--although i knew deep down in wouldn't...and yep, within minutes she was asking what that little girl in the story was talking about. i am constantly amazed at her thought process as a four year old. so i stumbled through a discussion about freedom in the US and how other countries don't have the abilities to make decisions like we do. a part of me was loving the conversation, and another part of me wanting it to be over...partial was fleshly-bc i wanted to get them moving on to bed (selfish, i know, but it was a looooong active day), but a great part was bc it was uncomfortable. how do i explain to a four year old that she has everything and SO much more and there are kids around the world who have nothing? i know god is just, but i feel almost ashamed to have all that i have...and then have the audacity to complain about what i don't have. i try so hard to be so thankful for my family's health and i usually am pretty good about it. whenever i take the kids to the doctor i praise god that i have access to knowledable doctors, transpo to the office, money to pay the bills with insurance and the ability to get medicine that will fix the problem. not today...i was whiney about being inconvenienced when i had to go an hour out of the way to drop off julia's urine sample (that she couldn't give when we were originally there--stage fright, not easy to pee when your mom is holding a cup under you:). the shame that i feel, but the forgiveness i know that is graciously given by my patient Father. the patience He gives me when i question Him and His sovereignty so much. but why? why lord, do i have to explain hunger and hurt and danger to my four year old? why, when i am sitting here in luxury simply bc i was born in the suburbs of Pennsylvania, USA? on the next page was the song, he's got the whole world in his hands...this song means that god loves everyone that he created and protects all of them i explain, convincing myself of the same truths.
i rejoice at julia's tender compassion. during my explanation she brought up haiti. for a while wordfm was encouraging compassion sponsors for haiti, and she was listening and questioning, so i had done a lot of explaining then..but she doesn't forget. she kept asking if we helped. and she wants to give all of the money from a lemonade and cookie sale to haiti. god bless this eager four year old servant. use her to humble me,lord as difficult and sweet that will be.
what will i do with this freedom? will i con't to abuse it, waste it, take advantage of it? you know i want to use my freedom to adopt and bless a hurting child and family with our blessings. but i know there is so much more. keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to how i can constantly be giving and not looking to receive. i have received so much from you and i thank you even in my uncertainties. you are the alpha and the omega and i pray that i can trust in your power.
