The Foster-to-Adopt Journey Update

This past March, after our short and intense experience with our foster girls (I will be doing an entire post on our experience with them...someday) we decided that we were not with the right agency for our us. While they had excellent training sessions, and the caseworker was very kind and really good at her job...the agency was just too small.  We felt that it did not have the broad accessibility to our county, and children in the age bracket we are thinking would be the best fit for our family. 

At that point, I was definitely discouraged.  We had begun the training process in January 2011, and were finally approved 10 months later  (November 2011).  Over the course of the following four months we only got two very unlikely referral calls (one was for 3 children under the age of 4).  Now, if there just weren't children that needed homes, that would be one thing.  If parents were doing what they were supposed to be doing and children were not being taken from their homes-then the lack of referrals would be understandable (and a great thing...to not even have a need for foster parents).  But, unfortunately that is not the case...there are still plenty of children waiting for stable, loving homes.

Upon doing some research, I realized that our current agency did not have a direct relationship with Berks and Lehigh counties...the two counties closest to our home.  In this research (I called those counties), I had asked them what their process for placing babies and children under the age of two looks like.  Berks first called upon their approved families and then "outsourced" (for lack of better word) to private agencies and Lehigh actually goes immediately to the private agencies.    A side note...we would have loved to have just been approved through Berks, but we were a whopping 2 MILES out of the traveling range of their central offices. It all came down to the county's lack of money/resources.  
Another side note, at this point we were doing some serious praying as to if adoption was the route God still wanted our family to go through.  I contemplated whether I was perhaps to try and get pregnant again? But, I continued to seek out another agency in the meanwhile as my desire was still very strong to foster and adopt.  And I still had an overwhelming desire to have more kids in our home (while Julia and Andrew are two blessings beyond explanation, something in me continued to feel our family is to be more than four).  

So upon calling the private agencies that the counties work with, I came across Diakon.  I felt really good about them.  We were thrilled to know that they are only 25 minutes away, that they have been around for awhile, that they have a good reputation, a Christian foundation, and a large amount of staff.

The initial training was two entire Saturdays in May.  The positive was that we were able to complete them in a timely manner.  The negative was that they were two absolutely gorgeous Spring days that we had to spend the entire day inside "relearning" lots information!  Of course we had our supportive parents to watch Julia and Andrew.   The training times were worth the "sacrifice." It was a great opportunity to have a good review, learn some new things, and to understand the agency more.  We were able to spend time together (we did steal  picnic lunches by a quaint little pond), and to confirm our continued desire to foster children who so desperately need loving homes.

So over the past few months we've been doing ALL of our paperwork AGAIN.  I try not to focus on the frustration of having to do that.  We try not to dwell on the seemingly wasted time and effort with our first agency.  We did what we thought was right at the time and for some reason, God wanted us to go through that long process.  It didn't bring us to where we hoped we'd be by now... but we have NO doubts that God wanted us to go down that road and that this journey will continue to be ordained by Him.

I'm so hopeful about where things are going. Diakon has been great so far. We had our interview last week (our caseworker is awesome), we have our homestudy July 23 and then they have 30-60 days to complete our profile.  After that, there is no way of telling how long it will be until we have a child in our home.  But, the encouraging thing is that they have one or two women whose primary job is to match families and kids in waiting.

Our first preference would be to have one child, boy or girl, any race, under the age of one.  But we are open to a sibling group of two and children up to the age of four.  We'd like to be as open as possible, with taking our current family genetics into consideration.

It's difficult to describe the place where I"m at right now.  When I first got pregnant, I knew that most likely I would be having a helpless little infant in my arms in approximately 9 months. The excitement, anticipations, and apprehensions grew as my belly grew.  There were physical, emotional, and mental signs that the arrival was getting closer and closer.  This current situation, on the other hand rocks my "desire to be in control" world. How do you prepare mentally, not knowing at all how your family is going to look in 2 months, let alone 9 months?
For now, I just take a deep breath, take the next step and take all comfort in knowing that the Creator knows.  Really, none of us know what our family is going to look like even tomorrow.  I know all too well, that life is fragile and that our next breath is not promised to us.  The Lord gives and takes away in His sovereignty.  It our prayer that in His timing, He gives us the perfect little girl or boy to be our daughter or son, and the kids sister or brother...to be part of the Derstine family for one week..or a lifetime.  Waiting on God isn't always easy, but it is exciting and I wouldn't want it any other way.

How do we make a Life-changing Decision?

On Friday afternoon  I received a call from our case worker about a possible placement.  Not one, not two, but THREE children...ages 3, 2, and 8 months.  A teenage mother from a somewhat local county, it is considered foster-to-adopt (although that doesn't mean adoption is guaranteed...they could return home at anytime), and some other details involved.

"So if you are able to call Jeff...," she continued

""Wait, you need to know TODAY!?!?!"

"Uhm, no...Monday morning would be fine."

Sweet relief.  A decision of this proportion would be near impossible to make within hours.  I finished receiving some details and knowing I wouldn't be able to get a hold of Jeff for a couple of hours, on three-way, I called two of my super-amazing friends who know me so well and are constantly my voices of reason.  They never just jump in and throw-up their immediate opinions in my ear and they never judge.  They listen and allow me to process, they support, they make me laugh, and they ask great questions....including, "So what's the next step?" 

Be willing to follow God, trusting that He is going to open and close doors.  

1.  Jeff's response would be the number one gauge.  I know that he is always seeking God's will, especially with big decisions.  I was able to spill out the details in about 5 minutes while he was driving home knowing we weren't going to be able to process things fully together until Saturday night after the kids were in bed.  It was such a sweet time of honest discussion. I am so blessed to have such a secure husband.  We decided it would be a good decision to share with our church body during testimony time during the Sunday morning service.  

2.  Prayers of other believers and Godly counsel and encouragement would be necessary.  

~We did share vaguely during our church service and  were able to talk to a few families that have gone through the foster-adoption process.  They were honest about the difficulties, but we could see the stream of excitement of what God has done in their lives through the process.

~We shared our situation with other friends and family. We are beyond blessed with having wonderful relationships with so many wonderful people.  We would not have started this process if we were not positive that we would have the abundance of support that we would need.

3.  Reading the Word and personal prayers... I love having "discussions" with God. I love how the seemingly silent God speaks.  He speaks to my heart, especially through His Word (He lead me to Psalm 51 this morning, with verse after verse of encouragement and affirmation), and through music (there are so many songs out there that are filled with His Truths), and even through nature (clear blue skies and beautiful sunrises).

4.  Julia's response:  We weren't intending on telling her until it was a sure deal, but she was in the service when we shared.  We hadn't shared the details in church, but then of course she was asking about it when we got home.  Jeff held her on his lap and she was really happy when we first told her about the possibility of having 3 more siblings.  Then a couple of minutes later we heard her crying  because it set in and she was anxious and upset more so about the uncertainty of it all.   But with talking and reassurance, she was fine and later that night she was still fine about it.  It is a great lesson in faith as we explain to her how we are trusting in God's direction.  We will definitely wait on telling Andrew.  We just have to trust that if it is an experience that would be detrimental to him, that doors will close.  

5. Practicality.  Well, the list of practical challenges are loooooong.  But we decided, to choose to trust that God would provide for every need.  Jeff said we can't go into this with a romantic perspective that this would be easy.  I am aware of the many sacrifices it would entail...and I'm sure there will be many more sacrifices that I'm not able to foresee.  Managing 5 kids under the age 6 would seriously take supernatural help.  One of my biggest concerns would be my emotional stability and sanity!!! But, if they are supposed to be here, as a part of our family for a week or for life...He will provide everything.  Including financial security, which of course would be another concern.  

6.  Stay level-headed.  We could get ulcers thinking about all of the practical logistics...but the fact of the matter is that we could call our case worker back (I'm calling her in one hour!!!) and she could say they are no longer available.  So why waste time and energy on unnecessary anxiety?  It was in the back of my mind all weekend, but it wasn't crippling.  There is a family out there that needs help, love and support.  God has put this ministry very strongly on our hearts.  If it wasn't His will, I've repetitively asked Him to take the desire to adopt away in either of us.  It hasn't gone away, it has gotten stronger.  This may be the family He has prepared for us, it may not be. Regardless, it has been a growing experience and I praise Him for His goodness.

 This is what I posted on Facebook and it is my strength:

So glad that my I can fully trust that my Savior has my family's future in the palm of His hand. What a blessing that I can rest in His sovereignty, knowing that His love for us is immeasurable

Update:
I called our case worker this morning.  She let the county of the mom know that we are interested in pursuing things.  There is a court case tomorrow and we will know more after that.  There is no certainty as to if we would be chosen immediately to take the kids or if there are other available families and we would have to go through an interview-type process.  Most likely we will not hear anything tomorrow.  So we just wait on the edge of our seats.................

Encouragement for my Impatience

‎"Now, I can rest in the assurance that if this is to be, it isn’t up to me. It’s up to God. I give what I can give. And then WAIT for HIM to give ONLY what HE can give." I feel God led these words to me through  ‎Lysa TerKeurst.  They were so encouraging for me as I struggle with impatience as we wait for our foster child.  I know in my heart that HIS timing is PERFECT.    I'm just so anxious to "know how our family is going to look a week from now and even more exciting to provide motherly love for a little child.

Feelings on being Officially Approved

Well as of November 17, 2011 we are officially deemed capable of fostering/adopting a child!
Enter in a whole new set of emotions.  Up until now...I wasn't really feeling anxious (just impatient:) because I knew our paperwork still had to be finalized, so getting a life-changing phone call in this area of life was not possible.  Well, now the reality has sunk in that at ANY time we can get a phone call that can and will change all of our lives forever.  Forever is a long time and our life now is really great.  Of course not perfect, but really great.  But the desire to expand our family is even greater.  It is an inexplicable feeling.  I feel I have genuinely given the feeling to God.  Asked over the years for lack of confirmation or a change of feelings if this wasn't the direction He was leading us.  None of that came, so we have just kept continuing to take the steps and are just waiting with anticipation as to what is coming next.
I also feel that I have been consciously trying to rid of any preconceived ideas or notions of how I think things are going to be.  Through our training and others' stories God has been making it clear that there is an infinite amount of scenarios that could come into play.  When I was pregnant,  there was  a very probable outcome....that a baby would arrive in nine months give or take.  There was the excitement of not knowing if we would have a boy or a girl, but we knew an infant made up of the combo of our genes would be arriving.   Comparably, it is so strange knowing so little about what our family will look like nine months from now.   We don't know what gender, race, age, parents, and even if it will be one or two!  We don't even know how long this child(ren) will be a part of our family.  Being known as "the Planner" in my family...this is very ironic.  I am so glad that when the anxiety hits, I can step back and fully know that the God of the universe has this all perfectly figured out.  He is the Giver of life and I do not for a second doubt that His fingerprints are all over this journey.   His grace will be sufficient and His strength, abundant.

A smidgen closer!

After waiting with absolutely no progress since mid-summer, I was so happy to hear today that our profile is coming along and that our references are being checked!  I am keeping my feet grounded knowing that it could still be a long time, but at least there is movement.
We are excited to go to an Adoption Awareness event put on by Focus on the Family, right in Lansdale this Saturday. http://www.icareaboutorphans.org/Pennsylvania.aspx  It will be a great chance to rekindle our excitement as it's been tough waiting, without being able to do anything.
Whenever I get inpatient, it is so comforting to know that God already has it all worked out.  I believe He has placed this desire our hearts for a reason and I am sooo excited about the possibility of growing our family in such a special way.

While we wait....

The home study went really well. Our caseworker checked out the house and then interviewed us for about an hour and a half (Thanks to Kim for taking the kids and keeping them occupied:).
It was actually an enjoyable time. We were able to answer the questions in a way that represented us and our family and solidified our motivations for wanting to adopt. That was the encouraging part. The discouraging part was that our caseworker told us how much time it takes to gather all our information into our profile and how understaffed and behind they are at the moment. The homestudy was 5 weeks ago, so I checked in with her last week and didn't receive a promising timeline.
We knew from the start that waiting would be a huge part of this process. Initially I was dissapointed, then I really felt at peace about knowing it would take awhile, and as of late...I'm getting restless again. I'm thinking it will continue to be a roller coaster of emotions. There will be times when I will be strong and steady and other times where I will be frustrated and impatient.

In the meanwhile, we had a taste of fostering last week. Friends of ours who introduced us to Friendship House currently have an 8 year old foster boy and his sister, who is 2. Our friends had an opportunity to go to Disney World for business and after much prayer decided it would be best to not take the extremely active 2 year old along. Since we were approved through FH, it was a great fit for us to keep her. It was a wonderful, yet very trying experience!
She is absolutely adorable and absolutely ACTIVE. We could not leave her unattended for a minute. She is curious and adventurous in ways that our kids just never were. Julia was a great help...she was quick to keep me "informed" on all her mishaps. Andrew had a love/hate sibling relationship with her. He got irritated with her one minute, yet he would then be giggling like crazy with her the next. She was totally enamored with Jeff (De-dah), which was endearing and trying for Jeff. So, already long story short, A. was supposed to be here for five days...on the fourth day we received word that our friend (her foster mom) was in the hospital in Fl with kidney stones. What are the chances!? Felt so bad for her and her hubby and the two boys. To make matters more complicated, Irene was on the horizon and a flight home was not definite. So our little houseguest stuck around a few extra days and we reluctantly put our grand plans of organizing and painting the house on hold. I was continually hearing God say People are more important than Tasks. Once again He looked at my agenda and said, "Um..nope, My plan is better. Better than you could ever hope or imagine." The memories of spending time with her are definitely better than memories of "getting things done."
So, perhaps this is just another reminder of how I have to look at this whole adoption process. I want things to go according to my timeline and He is reminding me of His perfect plan for my family's future.

Freedom

I was reading a little story from a kid's devotional book to the kids tonight and the little girl was praying and thanking god for her freedom, and praying for those who live in fear. after reading it, i was thinking, that may have been a little too deep, but thinking that it maybe it would have gone over julia's head--although i knew deep down in wouldn't...and yep, within minutes she was asking what that little girl in the story was talking about. i am constantly amazed at her thought process as a four year old. so i stumbled through a discussion about freedom in the US and how other countries don't have the abilities to make decisions like we do. a part of me was loving the conversation, and another part of me wanting it to be over...partial was fleshly-bc i wanted to get them moving on to bed (selfish, i know, but it was a looooong active day), but a great part was bc it was uncomfortable. how do i explain to a four year old that she has everything and SO much more and there are kids around the world who have nothing? i know god is just, but i feel almost ashamed to have all that i have...and then have the audacity to complain about what i don't have. i try so hard to be so thankful for my family's health and i usually am pretty good about it. whenever i take the kids to the doctor i praise god that i have access to knowledable doctors, transpo to the office, money to pay the bills with insurance and the ability to get medicine that will fix the problem. not today...i was whiney about being inconvenienced when i had to go an hour out of the way to drop off julia's urine sample (that she couldn't give when we were originally there--stage fright, not easy to pee when your mom is holding a cup under you:). the shame that i feel, but the forgiveness i know that is graciously given by my patient Father. the patience He gives me when i question Him and His sovereignty so much. but why? why lord, do i have to explain hunger and hurt and danger to my four year old? why, when i am sitting here in luxury simply bc i was born in the suburbs of Pennsylvania, USA? on the next page was the song, he's got the whole world in his hands...this song means that god loves everyone that he created and protects all of them i explain, convincing myself of the same truths.

i rejoice at julia's tender compassion. during my explanation she brought up haiti. for a while wordfm was encouraging compassion sponsors for haiti, and she was listening and questioning, so i had done a lot of explaining then..but she doesn't forget. she kept asking if we helped. and she wants to give all of the money from a lemonade and cookie sale to haiti. god bless this eager four year old servant. use her to humble me,lord as difficult and sweet that will be.
what will i do with this freedom? will i con't to abuse it, waste it, take advantage of it? you know i want to use my freedom to adopt and bless a hurting child and family with our blessings. but i know there is so much more. keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to how i can constantly be giving and not looking to receive. i have received so much from you and i thank you even in my uncertainties. you are the alpha and the omega and i pray that i can trust in your power.