The Foster-to-Adopt Journey Update

This past March, after our short and intense experience with our foster girls (I will be doing an entire post on our experience with them...someday) we decided that we were not with the right agency for our us. While they had excellent training sessions, and the caseworker was very kind and really good at her job...the agency was just too small.  We felt that it did not have the broad accessibility to our county, and children in the age bracket we are thinking would be the best fit for our family. 

At that point, I was definitely discouraged.  We had begun the training process in January 2011, and were finally approved 10 months later  (November 2011).  Over the course of the following four months we only got two very unlikely referral calls (one was for 3 children under the age of 4).  Now, if there just weren't children that needed homes, that would be one thing.  If parents were doing what they were supposed to be doing and children were not being taken from their homes-then the lack of referrals would be understandable (and a great thing...to not even have a need for foster parents).  But, unfortunately that is not the case...there are still plenty of children waiting for stable, loving homes.

Upon doing some research, I realized that our current agency did not have a direct relationship with Berks and Lehigh counties...the two counties closest to our home.  In this research (I called those counties), I had asked them what their process for placing babies and children under the age of two looks like.  Berks first called upon their approved families and then "outsourced" (for lack of better word) to private agencies and Lehigh actually goes immediately to the private agencies.    A side note...we would have loved to have just been approved through Berks, but we were a whopping 2 MILES out of the traveling range of their central offices. It all came down to the county's lack of money/resources.  
Another side note, at this point we were doing some serious praying as to if adoption was the route God still wanted our family to go through.  I contemplated whether I was perhaps to try and get pregnant again? But, I continued to seek out another agency in the meanwhile as my desire was still very strong to foster and adopt.  And I still had an overwhelming desire to have more kids in our home (while Julia and Andrew are two blessings beyond explanation, something in me continued to feel our family is to be more than four).  

So upon calling the private agencies that the counties work with, I came across Diakon.  I felt really good about them.  We were thrilled to know that they are only 25 minutes away, that they have been around for awhile, that they have a good reputation, a Christian foundation, and a large amount of staff.

The initial training was two entire Saturdays in May.  The positive was that we were able to complete them in a timely manner.  The negative was that they were two absolutely gorgeous Spring days that we had to spend the entire day inside "relearning" lots information!  Of course we had our supportive parents to watch Julia and Andrew.   The training times were worth the "sacrifice." It was a great opportunity to have a good review, learn some new things, and to understand the agency more.  We were able to spend time together (we did steal  picnic lunches by a quaint little pond), and to confirm our continued desire to foster children who so desperately need loving homes.

So over the past few months we've been doing ALL of our paperwork AGAIN.  I try not to focus on the frustration of having to do that.  We try not to dwell on the seemingly wasted time and effort with our first agency.  We did what we thought was right at the time and for some reason, God wanted us to go through that long process.  It didn't bring us to where we hoped we'd be by now... but we have NO doubts that God wanted us to go down that road and that this journey will continue to be ordained by Him.

I'm so hopeful about where things are going. Diakon has been great so far. We had our interview last week (our caseworker is awesome), we have our homestudy July 23 and then they have 30-60 days to complete our profile.  After that, there is no way of telling how long it will be until we have a child in our home.  But, the encouraging thing is that they have one or two women whose primary job is to match families and kids in waiting.

Our first preference would be to have one child, boy or girl, any race, under the age of one.  But we are open to a sibling group of two and children up to the age of four.  We'd like to be as open as possible, with taking our current family genetics into consideration.

It's difficult to describe the place where I"m at right now.  When I first got pregnant, I knew that most likely I would be having a helpless little infant in my arms in approximately 9 months. The excitement, anticipations, and apprehensions grew as my belly grew.  There were physical, emotional, and mental signs that the arrival was getting closer and closer.  This current situation, on the other hand rocks my "desire to be in control" world. How do you prepare mentally, not knowing at all how your family is going to look in 2 months, let alone 9 months?
For now, I just take a deep breath, take the next step and take all comfort in knowing that the Creator knows.  Really, none of us know what our family is going to look like even tomorrow.  I know all too well, that life is fragile and that our next breath is not promised to us.  The Lord gives and takes away in His sovereignty.  It our prayer that in His timing, He gives us the perfect little girl or boy to be our daughter or son, and the kids sister or brother...to be part of the Derstine family for one week..or a lifetime.  Waiting on God isn't always easy, but it is exciting and I wouldn't want it any other way.

No news....

Well three weeks later after hearing about the possibility of going from a family of 4 to a family of 7, we are still a family of  4.   As I described in the post, it was an intense time of processing and uncertainty.  We hadn't heard anything and I was eventually able to be at rest in assuming it wasn't going to happen.  I did finally email our case worker the other day, just for definite closure and she said she normally hears back either way, but didn't hear anything.  I'm glad we had the opportunity to pray and to encourage others to pray for that family. It is my hope that this young mom is able to receive the support and resources she needs to provide for those precious kids.

So now we are back to just waiting.  I was warned this was going to be difficult and it is.  I am trying to not get frustrated when I hear about other families who have gotten young children placed in their homes rather quickly. I have to remind myself that we've only been fully approved for three months.  It just seems like longer because we started the process over a year ago.  I just have to trust in knowing God's perfect timing for our family.  There are things behind the scenes that God is orchestrating  that I don't know and may never fully know.  My heart is resting in His sovereignty...my head just takes a little more convincing:)

Enjoying Christmas

Here's a post from over a month ago that I realized I hadn't posted...

It was a hope of mine that we'd have an extra little one around to share the joys of Christmas with, but it is not God's timing.  I will check in with Brenda after the new year to find out if it is normal to not hear anything at all for six weeks.
In the meanwhile, we've had a jammed pack month, which is both a blessing and a curse!  I want to remember it all, but it's late and I'm tired, so I'm going to go the timeline route.

First a recap of some December traditions: Souderton Christmas parade with Forbes and Wesleys, Christmas breakfast at Auntie Cheryl's, Decorating, Christmas in the Valley Concert, Andrew's preschool Christmas program, Christmas Program at UPCC, Christmas cookie painting at Mom-mom and Pop-pops, Annual Kiddo Christmas party at our house, Christmas shopping, Christmas Eve Veggie soup, and of course BASKETBALL.
Each day with the kids we would do an Advent activity.  Certain days it was one of the events listed above, but other days it could be Christmas books, or gingerbread snacks, or the manger play set, acting out Jesus' birth story, PJ Christmas lights walk, a craft or cards...Julia especially looked forward to "What is our advent today?"  She homemade a chart and sometimes remembered to color the days in.

It is tricky not "doing Santa," but it is so important that we instill the "Jesus' birthday" counter-cultural view of Christmas.  Julia will talk about the  "real Christmas story," which is our goal.  Andrew was unfortunately confused by it all, and it was a little sticky.  It is not to say we are on a big "anti-Santa" mission-we recognize it as a fun element of the Christmas season. But hopefully the birth of Christ will resonate as the real reason for the celebration in their hearts.  I know for me I too often get wrapped up in the craziness and have to consciously reflect on the magnitude of what happened in that manager so long ago and how my life is dependent on Christ's humility.

It was a great month of celebrations!

Feelings on being Officially Approved

Well as of November 17, 2011 we are officially deemed capable of fostering/adopting a child!
Enter in a whole new set of emotions.  Up until now...I wasn't really feeling anxious (just impatient:) because I knew our paperwork still had to be finalized, so getting a life-changing phone call in this area of life was not possible.  Well, now the reality has sunk in that at ANY time we can get a phone call that can and will change all of our lives forever.  Forever is a long time and our life now is really great.  Of course not perfect, but really great.  But the desire to expand our family is even greater.  It is an inexplicable feeling.  I feel I have genuinely given the feeling to God.  Asked over the years for lack of confirmation or a change of feelings if this wasn't the direction He was leading us.  None of that came, so we have just kept continuing to take the steps and are just waiting with anticipation as to what is coming next.
I also feel that I have been consciously trying to rid of any preconceived ideas or notions of how I think things are going to be.  Through our training and others' stories God has been making it clear that there is an infinite amount of scenarios that could come into play.  When I was pregnant,  there was  a very probable outcome....that a baby would arrive in nine months give or take.  There was the excitement of not knowing if we would have a boy or a girl, but we knew an infant made up of the combo of our genes would be arriving.   Comparably, it is so strange knowing so little about what our family will look like nine months from now.   We don't know what gender, race, age, parents, and even if it will be one or two!  We don't even know how long this child(ren) will be a part of our family.  Being known as "the Planner" in my family...this is very ironic.  I am so glad that when the anxiety hits, I can step back and fully know that the God of the universe has this all perfectly figured out.  He is the Giver of life and I do not for a second doubt that His fingerprints are all over this journey.   His grace will be sufficient and His strength, abundant.

While we wait....

The home study went really well. Our caseworker checked out the house and then interviewed us for about an hour and a half (Thanks to Kim for taking the kids and keeping them occupied:).
It was actually an enjoyable time. We were able to answer the questions in a way that represented us and our family and solidified our motivations for wanting to adopt. That was the encouraging part. The discouraging part was that our caseworker told us how much time it takes to gather all our information into our profile and how understaffed and behind they are at the moment. The homestudy was 5 weeks ago, so I checked in with her last week and didn't receive a promising timeline.
We knew from the start that waiting would be a huge part of this process. Initially I was dissapointed, then I really felt at peace about knowing it would take awhile, and as of late...I'm getting restless again. I'm thinking it will continue to be a roller coaster of emotions. There will be times when I will be strong and steady and other times where I will be frustrated and impatient.

In the meanwhile, we had a taste of fostering last week. Friends of ours who introduced us to Friendship House currently have an 8 year old foster boy and his sister, who is 2. Our friends had an opportunity to go to Disney World for business and after much prayer decided it would be best to not take the extremely active 2 year old along. Since we were approved through FH, it was a great fit for us to keep her. It was a wonderful, yet very trying experience!
She is absolutely adorable and absolutely ACTIVE. We could not leave her unattended for a minute. She is curious and adventurous in ways that our kids just never were. Julia was a great help...she was quick to keep me "informed" on all her mishaps. Andrew had a love/hate sibling relationship with her. He got irritated with her one minute, yet he would then be giggling like crazy with her the next. She was totally enamored with Jeff (De-dah), which was endearing and trying for Jeff. So, already long story short, A. was supposed to be here for five days...on the fourth day we received word that our friend (her foster mom) was in the hospital in Fl with kidney stones. What are the chances!? Felt so bad for her and her hubby and the two boys. To make matters more complicated, Irene was on the horizon and a flight home was not definite. So our little houseguest stuck around a few extra days and we reluctantly put our grand plans of organizing and painting the house on hold. I was continually hearing God say People are more important than Tasks. Once again He looked at my agenda and said, "Um..nope, My plan is better. Better than you could ever hope or imagine." The memories of spending time with her are definitely better than memories of "getting things done."
So, perhaps this is just another reminder of how I have to look at this whole adoption process. I want things to go according to my timeline and He is reminding me of His perfect plan for my family's future.

Nurturing vs Controling

I read this from an online article on the Focus on the Family website and wanted to refer back to it at some point (I like using the blog this way...better than jotting it down on a random piece of paper or journal page, never to be read again:)

Like dads, though, moms have a natural urge to protect their children. That can lead them to cross the line between nurturing and futile attempts at control...(they provide examples of a mom protecting/allowing her kids freedom in different life-stage situations).
Finding balance means continually going back and forth between the healthy desire to give my kids freedom and my God-given urge to keep them safe.

You can't control the results, but you can stir in the right ingredients. You can seek to know your children as individuals, different as they might be, and bring out the best in each. You can demonstrate by example how to explore life with zest and express the unique gifts God provides each of us. Your nurturing can blossom in emotional and spiritual growth.

The start of an exciting and long journey

Even since before we had our own kids, I have had the desire to adopt. I was thrilled when Jeff was immediately in agreement when we originally started talking about the posibility (not sure when that was). While it has been on our hearts and in our prayers for awhile, it seemed like now is the time to start-now that Andrew is a little older and we are now more settled in our new home. We are trying to keep our hearts open to where God leads us in this journey. We definitely want to adopt, but feel that we should foster first. I know this is an emotional risk...i can't imagine how difficult it would be to "give back" a child that I'm sure we would have immediately fallen in love with, knowing that he or she may be going into a rough homelife. But, if we aren't willing to do it, who is? We can guarantee that we won't be perfect temporary parents, but we can also guarantee that that child will be loved for however long he or she is with us and that he or she will continue to be prayed for years to come. It will be tough to know how pray-while we have the child in our home. I guess our prayer would be for the birth mom to become stable and even to accept Christ and to be able to provide a safe and loving environment...but our prayer would also be that if it is in God's will that we could keep the baby (or child) knowing that we would provide better living conditions.
Regardless, I'm excited. I feel as though I just found out that I"m pregnant in a way. It's going to be a long process (the lady I spoke with at Coby's said 6-12 months), but that's not much longer than being pregnant (may even be shorter!). I feel really at peace about not being pregnant again and i just feel like our family is not done growing yet! God is so creative. No two families are the same. There is no mold, no formula--each special and unique. I love my family and can't wait to experience the highs and lows and everything in between of what lies ahead.